Tonight, I'm listening to music...And not ridiculous love songs, lonesome country songs, or angry cheating songs but rather instrumental music-- music that speaks volumes without a single lyric in the entire album. Music is magic and transports the soul. Tonight, I've traveled to Hogwarts (Harry Potter, Williams), Georgia (Gone with the Wind, Steiner), and Westeros (Game of Thrones, Djawadi), sailed on the high seas (Pirates of the Caribbean, Baldet), and visited every corner of Middle-Earth (LOTR, Shore). I've experienced a hundred different cultures through music: I've listened the downfalls of ruler, the magic wroght by elves, the victory of battles, and the Return of the King. I love this music, and tonight's reflection is brought about because I had forgotten just how much I loved this music.
I have spent the last few months wading through the mundane everyday that is work and home life. I felt as though I have had nothing important to say, despite the recent holidays, family get-togethers, and less than encouraging chaos that has been my workplace these last few weeks. New Year's Eve came and went (I slept through the ball dropping in NYC.....oops), and my resolutions have already been blown to hell (*gasp* what a shocker!). I haven't been to see my mare as often as I always plan to. I hardly do anything outside of work and filling out job applications at home (which thus far have come to no avail). A few nights I managed to drag myself from my warm bed to go view some of the more fantastic night sky events just to find myself staring into a cloudy, polluted sky. :( I've been kind of discouraged by the lack of exciting activity in my life, and then, tonight I began to listen to music again.
I forgot how movie scores brought out so many emotions in me. In high school, I could listen to the same soundtrack for weeks straight, over and over again, and find the melodies, the harmonies, the dramatic swells and the trumpeting main themes as fascinating as the first time the tunes touched my ears. I'd forgotten how I would close my eyes and melt into the music, only to open my eyes again and see clearly the world that was being depicted, as though I were standing on the deck of Jack Sparrow's beloved Pearl or riding across Rohan's plains at Aragorn's side. I had forgotten how the music would pull forth emotion that I hadn't felt or had ignored for months. Tonight I remembered that, and damn, it feels so good.
It's amazing to me that something as simple as going back through my endless playlists and listening to those soundtracks has wiped away the dull, emotionless march of my day and made me begin to feel more. Suddenly, I'm not as discouraged about the lack of response to my resumes (I'll keep at it and something will happen!). I can now fully suppress the urge to scream in the middle of the lobby at work when I feel like the sheer amount of B.S. being said by superiors is threatening to drown me (this, I'm sure will be a temporary fix; the permanent one is to find another job). I feel like some of my more imaginative plans for my future just might have a little more merit than they did yesterday (who knows?). There's a quote about music that I found when looking up some stuff for this reflection that really nailed how I feel about my recent reintroduction to the magic of instrumental music:
"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." ~Berthold Auerbach
I'm not one hundred percent sure who this intelligent person is, or what his accomplishments were in life, however I don't think I've ever found a quote about music to be more truthful. While I'm still unsure of where I'm going to "end up" with a career, a living space, and roommates/spouse/animals, I'm not as threatened by that uncertainty as I was just a week ago. It's obvious that when I become overwhelmed by these pesky unanswerable questions, listening to my music veils them, if only for a few beautifully melodic moments. I used to listen to music often, everyday, for many hours, whether walking, jogging, horseback riding, reading, writing, or completing homework. And then, a couple years ago, I just kind of quit listening. Hardships were only magnified by my music that had that knack for bringing more emotion to the surface. It brought back memories that I didn't want to remember. So I stopped listening.
I'm shaking my head as I type, and I'm thinking, "Never stop listening, you stupid girl." Music runs through my family's blood. We're working on our third generation of musicians (my little nephew can already sing the themes to movies such as Superman and Star Wars- they have raised him well). No matter what, I shouldn't have stopped listening. But if I hadn't stopped, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to rediscover my passion for it. And, oh, how I love it. Every single note. Listening to this beautiful music is like listening to the emotions that I can't otherwise express. Cue second, extremely appropriate quote about music made by yet another intelligent human being:
"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music." ~Aldous Huxley
I made plenty of resolutions to ring in the new year (most of which I've long broken). Tonight, I've resolved to never be without this music again, even with any hardships to come. I feel like I've gained back a part of myself that has been lost for the last few years. I feel like I've gained some momentum in my plans for the coming year. I've definitely regained some positivity (which, if you ask my mother, I am forever lacking). I've gained an outlet for my frustration and a means to express my emotions when my writing fails me, which had become a more recent occurrence of late. I've regained determination and have finally begun to edit my novella, something that I hope to expand to a novel and see in print one of these days. Things are looking up, and I'm sure that listening to "He's a Pirate" from POTC and hearing Johnny Depp's voice say, "Bring me that horizon," as I conclude this post has everything to do with this new positive outlook.
P.S. I Googled Berthold Auerbach, and he is a poet/author from the 1800's. A pretty interesting dude.
