The beginning of June marked the marriage of my best friend Whitney to her beloved, Asa. Never in this world have two people loved one another the way these two love each other.
It was a beautiful thing, being a part of the ceremony and watching these lovely people commit themselves to one another. The entire wedding party was made up of the most wonderful people, and I was truly blessed to spend just a few days with them. It was the most at home I've felt, the most hopeful, since December. Their happiness was positively contagious, and it rekindled my motivation to make my own happiness, whether by moving, chasing my dream career, or just making the changes I've been yearning for.
That determination led me to the events that made last week absolutely crazy in both small and very large ways. First, the small: I've had severe back pain that comes in cycles for the past two to three years (I can't pinpoint a time, so that's an estimation) and on occasion it becomes too painful to walk or sit up in bed. Last week, I finally scheduled a doctor's appointment that resulted in x-rays and an order for physical therapy. The x-ray results are in, and tomorrow I'll hopefully find out what's going on and see what can be done to fix it. Crazy occurrences of the large variety consisted of being offered an exciting part time position at a trail stable, finding a place to live in the eastern panhandle that is as close to affordable as I'm going to get in that area, being given a trip to the Outer Banks for my birthday, and then giving up both the apartment and the trail guide job in light of a change at my current workplace that has already benefited me.
Let me take just a second to squeal over the Outer Banks beach visit. I was ridiculously spoiled last year by spending time not only on the beach in Ocean City, MD but also in Samara, Costa Rica. And as fantastic as both of those trips were, this one may trump them simply because some of the people that I care about most in this world is going on this trip with me. We'll be staying in this castle of a place in Rodanthe, and I couldn't be more excited.
"Castle" is even part of its name!!
Giving up the trail guide position was really difficult, but without a second job I wouldn't have been able to afford moving in order to begin riding in July. Honestly, it's a damn shame because trail guiding is something I love and something I miss dearly.
As for the apartment, it hasn't been completely ruled out yet, and part of me hopes that it remains available until I am ready to move in the event that one of my other options doesn't work out (though I'm hoping like crazy one of them will!). My last visit to Shepherdstown really kicked me into thinking long and hard about this aspect of my life, and I began asking questions like, How much can I really afford, Who could I live with and not lose my mind, Where do I really want to live, and most importantly, Why go back to this area???
Though I couldn't answer all of those questions well, others had resounding answers. Why? I love this area, I want to get my degree in Environmental Science, I can make a career I love here, and, finally, it's where I am happy, most of the time. For me, the most important thing when considering my impending move was that I wasn't tying my decisions to the people in the area (friends, professors, family, etc.). In the end, the people will come and go. They're unreliable and unstable- this I saw explicitly during my last visit there- and my happiness should not hinge upon who my friends are and what mood they may or may not be in... Because the thing about people is they're human. They have their own lives to run, and relying upon them in my own life will only lead to unhappiness for us both. This is kind of my theme for this post, as it related to some other things that happened this weekend.
At least once a day, this thought crosses my mind: Almost everyone I know has something about their life figured out, except for me. Or at least that's how I felt until I finally spoke with a high school friend this weekend and found out that she was feeling the exact same way that I was. Returning home after graduation was a financially sound decision for me, but that didn't stop me from feeling like a failure for the last seven months (particularly recently). I'm in a town where the cultural ignorance nearly drives me mad, the "dating scene" is so horrific that I haven't even bothered making an effort, and I'm employed (thank god) at a place where my degree is sitting idly, just waiting to be put to use. The funny thing about this attitude? I'm far from the only person dealing with these issues. In fact, a large portion of my stress recently has been a lack of a social life because the other people my age (the ones I care enough about to be around) are too busy trying to figure out how much in rent they can afford a month and how much would be left over for groceries. We're all too busy trying to figure out our own lives that we have resorted to social media (a freaking sad excuse for a friendship, let me tell you) as our main form of contact with one another. And while it is important to figure out how much rent you can afford before having to get hired as a farmhand in order to make it to the end of your lease, I found out this weekend that sometimes just interacting with someone who is dealing with the same major decisions as you are makes a big difference.
As one Buzzfeed list said about life after graduation- in order to see your friends, you actually have to make a sincere effort. And in this world where we're all trying to figure our own stuff out, sometimes those efforts go unnoticed. I know I have ignored them in the past, and I've most certainly been ignored. I guess what I'm trying to say is that while everyone is working on making your own happiness, don't forget that it's easier to deal with the stress of reaching your goals when you have people to relate to, real friends that will encourage one another, not excommunicate or (even worse) berate one another. Remember to sort out your priorities while stepping away from the college life and into the "real world" life (for lack of a better way to describe the everyday mundane life as part of the work force). I did, and the decisions I made last week, such as remaining at my current workplace until the end of October rather than leaving earlier and keeping options for living arrangements open (while deciding that others are just not going to work, regardless of how much money I'd save), reflect those reorganized priorities. Ron would be so proud.
